I just read a post on a friend’s blog that made me step back and wonder. The post was a short recounting of a dream. My friend dreamed he was standing with Jesus on the shore as He called out to the disciples to cast their nets on the other side. My friend awoke with the understanding that often we are fishing with our nets on the wrong side of the boat.
This post coincided with the culmination of a 3 week long “discussion” I’ve been having with an atheist I met online. My atheist friend enjoys posting plagiarized quotes (no quotation marks nor credits) to as many Christian YouTube videos as he can. I took the bait several weeks ago. I began writing comments addressing the inconsistencies, the fallacies, and the misunderstandings in his posts. His responses were abusive, personal attacks, or more plagiarized copy/paste comments. As I read my friend’s blog entry about fishing with our nets on the wrong side, I saw myself clearly as if for the first time.
It is painfully obvious that my atheist friend has zero interest in a real conversation. Yet I continue to answer his abusive comments. I had convinced myself that I was posting retorts to his comments in the hopes that he or one of his readers might read the response and come around. I have finally realized that what really has been happening is an ego clash. It has been a contest of wits (and one not unlike beating my 11 month old son at basketball). I have, at least in part, been posting responses to him because I want to be right, not because I want him to have right understanding. It is becoming clear to me the principal that my father so wisely tried to teach me. If the devil can’t get you to do the wrong thing, he’ll get you to do the right thing in the wrong way.
I ask any of God’s children who read this, please pray for a confused and angry man who calls himself “TeslaSagan.” And pray for me, I’m a sinner.
“There they stand…there they laugh. They do not understand me. I am not the mouth for these ears…” – Nietzsche’s Zarathustra.
“Do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do they may trample them under their feet, and then turn and tear you to pieces.” – Jesus Christ
(note: The above sketch is from my journal. It is what it looks like when I mistake my need for right-ness with my need for righteousness.)